Letter To My Four Year Old Self
Dear Sharon. You are about to experience something that no child should ever have to go through. The loss of your brother will bring heartache and sorrow, but it will also make you a stronger and more empathetic person. Because of your family tragedy, all of you will know what that pain is like and be able to be there for others who experience the same. Yes, you are going to be part of a club that no one wants to join. If there was a way to stop it I would, but life deals us certain hands which we cannot understand but which we must survive.
As you grow, you will have flashbacks and periods of anxiety where you feel as if the whole world is closing in on you. Remember to breathe sweetie because each one of those moments will pass. You may feel as if you are going to die, but I promise that you will not. Weathering these storms will be gut wrenching to be sure. Find something to cling to that makes you feel safe and secure. There are people out there who care about you and will provide anchors when you need it most.
There will be times you feel so alone in your grief and anger that you lash out and behave in ways that try your parent’s patience. They too will be living with their own pain and sorrow and often turn their back to what you are experiencing. It will hurt but one day you will gain an understanding of what they were going through and find ways to forgive. That moment will bring so much peace and healing to your life and it will open up doors you thought were closed forever.
Later on, you will see friends go through their own losses and because of yours, you will be in a place to provide love and support to them. It will hurt so much to know what pain they are in and it will bring back horrible memories for you. I want you to know that you will make a difference in their lives just by being there and giving them a shoulder to lean on. Unfortunately, this will happen over and over and you will attend many funerals and see many parents and siblings grieving over their lost loved ones. Life will deal many blows to your small community, but you will remember those lost with fondness and treasure the memories of them forever.
I promise that you will channel your emotional pain into good things and become someone who makes a difference in this world. Future traumas await you, especially when it comes to relationships, but you will survive each and every one of them and keep growing stronger. Eventually you will take all that pain, all that sorrow, and channel it into the things you are most passionate about. People will notice and you will make a difference. Sharon, I know its hard to imagine right now that things will turn out alright. But trust me little one, you are going to be okay. Love and light await you.