How many of us really stop and listen to what our heart is telling us? How many of us, even if we do, acknowledge it and take steps to act on it? From my corner of the world I see so many people allude to it, but then push it aside. Excuses abound, such as being too busy, denial is easier, it hurts too much, and so on and so forth. My theory is that this avoidance is based on one thing and one thing only; we fear what the heart will tell us.
I spent most of my life living in fear, guilt, and shame. I wouldn’t let hope in because I was afraid that if I did, I would just be setting myself up for inevitable disappointment. I didn’t let myself feel what I was feeling, especially the bad stuff, because it was too much to process. And I wouldn’t open my heart to any kind of self-love simple because I didn’t believe I was worthy of it. Slowly but surely, I began to work past all this and over the years have allowed my heart to speak to me and my soul to be open to what it had to say. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. Those first steps were some of the most painful moments of my life. It was as if a knife had been plunged in to my heart, tearing open the most sensitive and damaged parts of myself; ones I didn’t even know existed. At first, I thought that the journey of the heart couldn’t possibly be worth all this pain. I was wrong.
Had I not stilled the turbulent waters and stopped to listen to my heart, I truly believe I wouldn’t be here today. There was no turning back once those floodgates opened. By letting myself finally feel what I needed to feel, to nurture the little girl inside me that had been so beaten down by trauma and abuse, was the path I needed to take in order to find true healing. Allowing the ache of loneliness to permeate my soul has enabled me to learn to be alone and yet still be happy. Embracing the fear of loss allowed me to finally grieve for everything that that had been taken from me. I entered the den of the lion and rather than curl up and die, I found strength I had never known before. I listened to my heart, and it showed me the way to living.
I truly believe that the only way out of hard times is to walk through them. When we try to walk around or burrow underneath it, sure we may avoid some pain for a time, but eventually it catches up to us. Allow all the emotions in; the fear, the hurt, the pain. Feel what you need to feel. Yes, it may knock you to your knees, but you will rise and your heart will light the way forward.