Things I'm Afraid To Say
I’m scared to say certain things right now…..scared I will be seen as weak, unable to do my job, be viewed as a failure, or be treated differently. What is it that am I afraid of??
I’m afraid of how tired and exhausted I am at every moment.
I’m afraid to tell people I barely make it through each day right now.
I’m afraid my temper will get the better of me at times; not because I am truly angry but because my window of tolerance is extremely low.
I worry that I will be seen as a hypocrite for promoting mental health and wellness while I struggle with my own.
I hate that my mind won’t turn off enough at night to let me sleep properly.
I’m afraid of being alone all the time; even while I’m afraid to reach out.
I’m disappointed in myself for not using all the tools in my toolbox the way I know they need to be used.
I’m sad that everyone around me seems to be in a stressful place and I don’t have it in me to be as much help as I want to be.
I’m scared that this pandemic has ruined certain goals I had for my future.
I’m afraid of how much I miss the one person I truly loved but who brought so much pain and heartache to not just myself, but everyone around him.
I’m scared of how much weight I have gained and how much food is still a comfort item for me.
I’m worried that I’m going back down a rabbit hole I fought so hard to keep out of.
I’m afraid of how often I am triggered lately and how much anxiety lays just below the surface at every moment.
I’m afraid of disappointing others.
I’m afraid of me.
Despite all this, I do know one thing is for certain……I will fight hard as I always have and always will. Of that I am not afraid.